Fascinate

A grade school teacher in Tennessee asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his sheep. It was fascinating."The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to Graceland and I was fascinated."The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated."Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.Little Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a shirt with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."The teacher cried.

`Aids - Frog - Whore

Johnny walks into a whorehouse. He's holding a shoebox under his arm. He reaches up to the counter and rings the bell. Out comes the madame. She looks down at Johnny and says to him, "Well, well, what can we do for you little boy?" "Yeah, I wanna fuck a bitch with aids." The madame is a little shocked. "Excuse me?" "Open yer fuckin' ears, bitch! I wanna girl with aids!" She laughs at Johnny mockingly and says to him, "You do realize that this kind of thing costs money, you know." She stops laughing when Johnny slams down three hundred dollars on the counter. "Money's not a problem, lady." "What do you want a girl with aids for?" the madame asks. "That ain't none of yer business. You gonna give me the bitch with aids or what?" "Okay, little boy, you do seem quite serious. I'll go and get her. By the way, what's in the shoebox?" Johnny snaps back "That ain't none of yer business either." The madame stares Johnny down and says, "Yes it is my business, because I have to look out for my girls. What's in that box?" Johnny opens it and there's a dead frog inside. The madame looks puzzled. Johnny explains it to her. "Okay, I fuck the bitch with aids, then I get aids. I fuck my babysitter and she gets aids. She fucks my dad and he gets aids. My dad fucks my mom and she gets aids. My mom fucks the mailman and he gets aids and that's the motherfucker who stepped on my pet frog!"

2 pathanz

2 khans, IKHLAS and YASEEN died.
On qiyamat
Angel to Ikhlas : yr name?
Ikhlas Said: Ikhlas.
ANgel: Recite surah Ikhlas.
Ikhlas recites the surah jaldi jaldi and angel sent him to heaven.

Antel to YASEEN: your name?
Yaseen replied: Kho hamara nam to yaseen hei,pr logh pyar sey KAUSAR bolti hai :D

independance day joke

on August 14, a woman went to a shop to buy Pakistaniflag. The shopkeeper gives her a Pakistani flag. Shelooks at it for a while and ask one question...... Shopkeeper faintsWhat does she ask? Guess............................................................................................................................................................................ ........................Isme koi doosra colour dikhao!!!ballay ballay...ahahahaPAkISTAN ZINDABAD!

`marriage

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.  That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
• Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
• The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
• "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
• "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
• Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
• Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
• First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky,mine's still alive."

`Newton & Sultan Rahi

Once, Newton came to Pakistan and watched a few Lollywood movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movies of Sultan Rahi, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Sultan Rahi has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Sultan Rahi is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Sultan Rahi!.2) In another movie, Sultan Rahi is confronted with 3gangsters. Sultan Rahi has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.Guess,what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.3) Sultan Rahi is chased by a gangster. Sultan Rahi has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Sultan Rahi opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast! The 'climax' finally arrives.

Sultan Rahi gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Sultan Rahi can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Sultan Rahi has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Sultan Rahi suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton commits suicide...

A couple goes on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The Husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lakes area, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a fishing inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies (thinking "isn't that obvious!"). "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I' m sorry Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a report." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."But I haven't even touched you" says the man."That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.""Have a nice day ma'am" and he left.

MORAL: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS. IT'S LIKELY SHE CAN ALSO THINK.

`Amazin Sardar

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs Could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave. The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more Interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions. Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God Absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?" Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes, and then???" asked the crowd. "I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!