`marriage

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.  That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
• Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
• The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
• "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
• "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
• Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
• Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
• First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky,mine's still alive."